Misery

I am so tired. I want to wash my hands of everything that's happening in class and work. I don't know why, but I just felt so upset over today's incidents. I know that all of this is completely unrelated to me, so I shouldn't be feeling anything at all. But, somehow, I just feel so caught up in class politics that I want to let go. I don't even want to be a neutral observer. I don't want to observe anything anymore.

It's so ugly, all of it. And I feel so helpless. I want to do something, but I can't. And since I can't, I want to go away, but I can't too. It's disgusting. This... "drama" as someone called it, is disgusting. A blatant show of the ugly side of human nature: bitchiness, self-centredness, selfishness, pride, anger, blindness. Blind. They are all blind. Can they not see beyond their own egos for a second and consider the greater good? Or step back and realise the futility of their actions, how it's doing no one any good, and is in fact worsening the situation?

Nope. They are all too caught up in defending themselves, in trying to protect their rights, their pride. But what happens in the end? Everyone around gets to see how ugly they are inside. The swirling darkness that inhabits their souls blinds them to the horrible reality of the truth: that they are naked in the light, desperately in need of a Saviour.

I am judging people again. I know. But this...this "drama" stirs up all sorts of emotions within me. Helplessness, like I said, misery, anger. Why anger? It's because I can't understand how the ones who already have the Saviour still do this. And it's been going on for months. I know I shouldn't judge. I really shouldn't. But have they not heard at all? Love your enemies and do good to those that hate you? Turn the other cheek? What reward is there if you love those that love you? How different are you from others?

I need to read the Bible.